Dogs I Know: Chi the Beautiful

I miss my little girl. Chi died of kidney failure nearly two weeks ago and life has not been the same for me. She was the loveliest dog I had ever laid eyes on and even as a puppy suckling her mom she was already beautiful.

When she was a few months old she tried to claim me as her human but her sister Kai had other plans. Kai had gotten to me first and she would have none of Chi's attempts of getting close to me. At one time Kai firmly put a paw on Chi's chest to stop her from walking towards me. As Kai was the eldest of the litter, I let her play alpha girl but would sneak behind her back to shower Chi with attention.

The Rainbow Bridge

When Kai died Chi promoted herself and lay claim on my slippers, curling over them at night to sleep. She was my little princess and cherished every sleeping blanket I gave her as if it were the most luxurious thing in the world. I later put her on an elevated bed at the foot of my own bed. Took her only two nights to make the move from that bed to my own. From then on she slept at my feet, although sometimes I would wake up early in the morning to feel her nuzzle my ear, nape and hair playfully. Once satisfied I was okay, she would go back to sleep at my feet. Sometimes, though, she would share my pillow.
Chi was one of the sweetest dogs I know. She was kind, loving, rather passive and content to have me defend her in most things. Unless, of course, her food bowl was concerned. If anyone - dog or cat - would attempt to grab a little of her share, she would growl and cover her bowl with her body to prevent anyone from taking what was hers.

I miss her so. She liked to share my things with me - my chair, my bed, my bedsheets even. She always seemed apologetic, as if she did not want to offend me but still wanted to be closer. She understood what I wanted and was able to read me well. Sometimes when I get a little busy she would hop on my chair and place a paw on my leg as if to reassure me that she was there and that she understood. No dog has ever looked at me with such love and concern as Chi. Maybe her sister Kai but Chi stayed with me longer, so our bond was - is - different.

She had treatments but eventually they failed and she died in my arms. To her last breath I assured her that she was loved and that everything was going to be okay. She broke my heart that night.

After I buried her, I would think back to what I could have done to prevent or at least improve her chances of surviving and I was overcome with guilt. I did try but I berated myself for not trying harder.

Then about 10 days after she died, Chi came to me in a dream. She was well and looked healthy but in the dream she had crawled out of her grave to be with me. Then she began to shrivel a little and got sick. Because I missed her so much, I woke up thinking that she had tried to come back to visit me. It took me a few days to realize that maybe it was her way to reassure me that I could not have been able to do anything more. Maybe, like in the dream, she would have been able to rise from the dead so to speak but her disease would claim her again. Maybe it was her way of telling me that she might probably recover but would regress eventually.

I miss Chi terribly. I talk to her when I'm alone, in the same way I did when she was still here. I hope to see her again someday. When it's my time to go, I hope she's there waiting for me... I know she will be there because she is Chi and she never fails.